Today is Halloween. And I can’t believe how much it has changed in the 16 years I lived here.

When I moved to England in 1998, going trick-or-treating was very awkward. Hardly anyone did it. When my kids got old enough, I would take them door to door. We encountered a lot of older people who had no idea what we were doing. Sometimes, we even saw friends of my kids standing in the doors because their parents didn’t believe in it.

And forget about finding a good costume back then. It wasn’t easy. Now, Sainsbury’s has an entire Halloween section.

It’s nice to see it gain popularity.

But now. . . . I’ve kind of gone off it!

The biggest thing that ever holds me back is the feeling that I am where I’m supposed to be.

My employers were always happy with where I was. They wanted me to be happy doing what I was doing.

My friends think I am where I should be. They want me to be happy doing it.

My family wants me to be happy with what I am doing. But they will support me regardless.

Most times, the only person who is unhappy with what I am doing is me. And it feels so totally selfish each and every time I throw out everything I am doing to do something different. Maybe I don’t like being where I am supposed to be.

Sometimes the change works and I get into a new groove. Then, I am where I am supposed to be. Until I get unhappy again . . .

Waking at 4am

July 17, 2014 — Leave a comment

I’ve been making it a habit of waking up at 4am for over 10 years now. My wife will tell you that this habit sometimes wanes. And I never do it at the weekend. And, surprisingly, it never gets as easy as people think it would.

I was in a meeting with someone a few weeks ago. He asked why he got an email from me at 4:30. I mentioned that I wake up very early to get things done. I usually try not to make a big deal about this kind of thing. He said what everyone says: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I’m not a morning person.”

Believe it or not. I’m not a morning person, either. I never have been. I would much rather stay up until 3am than get up at 4am. But it is not about the type of person I am. . . it is about the type of person I want to be. And that’s hard sometimes.

To be honest, the first hour of the morning is not my most productive. Between 4 and 5 o’clock, I’m pretty grumpy. I get moody. I need a few cups of coffee before I can function. But here’s the problem . . . when I get up at 7am, I’m grumpy then too. The early wake-up affords me the opportunity to be grumpy in peace.

And why not just stay up late like normal people? Here’s what I find: when you stay up late, you alienate your family. The night starts in the early evening and carries on until the wee hours. You don’t go to bed at the same time. But when you wake up at 4, no one cares what you are doing. You could be robbing banks for all they care.

Waking up this early is not easy. Still, after all these years, it’s not easy. It’s easier than it was in the beginning, but I was very tempted to turn off that alarm this morning.

But it is not about the person I am . . . it’s about the person I want to be. And that person I want to be needs a few more hours.

Blog_friday Releases

“Just throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don’t care!”

In the 80s, we heard this phrase a lot on the radio.  I don’t know why, but it was in a lot of songs.

But now when I think back on it, the people who did throw their hands in the air . . . they did it like they did care.  If you waved them like you just didn’t care, you should have an ambivalent look on your face.  You should wave them half-heartedly like you are thinking “I don’t even know if I should bother doing this.”  Like any second, you are just going to put your hands back down– because who can be bothered?

Anyway, it made sense at the time, I guess.

Now, everybody say “Oh, yeah!”

This weekend I watched a cartoon video of Janice Joplin’s last interview. The gist of the interview (from people all over the web, anyway) is “you are what you settle for.”

But the quote that gets me the most from this video is where she is talking about being a woman in Rock and Roll and the rejection she gets from other women:

“If they don’t have it within them to need more . . .”

This rejection does not only apply to women.  It can apply to anyone who wants to be more than others expect of them.

When you try to do more than others think you should, people tell you to be happy with what you have. I agree with this, you should be happy with what you have. But you should never stop pushing.  You should never expect what you have to be your final resting place.

It is easy to feel selfish for wanting to be more than you are (or should be). The expectations of others should not have as much sway over us as we allow it, but it does. The opinions of others keeps us second guessing.  They keep us stationary.  If I had done what others expected of me, I’d still be in the Army (or teaching, or working as a permanent coder in the IT job I took, or whatever).

It takes small acts of courage to change and it never gets easier.

No matter where you are in life, you will be surrounded by people telling you that this is where you should be.  This is your final resting place. It is always almost impossible to explain (to them or ourselves) that “This is great, but I need more than this.”

Do you ever have enough? I don’t think so. It will never be enough. Who can say, “this is enough”? Who can say “I’m happy to stay like this while I wait for death”?

We have to need more.

TLC said “Don’t go chasing waterfalls.  Just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to”.  But where is the fun in that?  Chase the waterfalls.

The Story of Overpass

September 17, 2013 — Leave a comment

Yesterday, I spent some time creating a “homepage video” for the Overpass Site. Let me know what you think:

I used the Videoscribe software from Sparkol and recorded the audio with Audacity (the audio recording on Sparkol leaves some to be desired–but the rest is great).

I love this skateboarding video of Bob Burnquist:

The Job Security Myth

September 2, 2013 — Leave a comment

“This is a business, not a charity.”

This is a phrase I hear a lot. It is usually spoken by someone who is secure in their own job (or,so they think) about someone who is losing their job. It’s funny how you keep hearing the same phrases repeated by different people throughout your career.

I believe job security is a myth. Recruiters and managers have tried to lure me into permanent positions with the promise of this myth– but I will never be a victim to it again. Never.

I’ve been burned by employers who took advantage of my belief in the secure job myth. I left my last permanent position in 2003- it has been 10 years now. I will never go back. And, despite what people think, it is not about the money. It is purely about independence and freedom.

When you think your job is secure, you stop preparing yourself for the job market. When you are unprepared, the threat of losing your job is terrifying.

It is easy to manipulate someone with fear. Just hint that their job is at risk and you can get them to do any menial task you want them to.

The best way to scare someone is ask them to tell you their exact plans for the uncertain period ahead. You ask questions like “What will you do with no income?” or “Do you think you can find a job that pays the same?” or (and I love this one) “What will your wife say if you lose this job?” Can you really afford to lose this job? Army recruiters use this technique when trying to get you to re-enlist. Employers do this when you act out or rebel.

The job market is a battle. You can plan your actions to a certain extent, but you cannot know what will happen next. All you can do is be prepared.

Think of Bruce Lee walking into a warehouse full of thugs waiting to attack him. Then, imagine someone asking him what moves he will use to defeat them. It can’t be done. He has a loose plan, but not an exact plan. He is prepared for what’s coming but he doesn’t know what’s coming.

To be prepared, you must always be watching the enemy. You must know what skills the job market is looking for. And, you must spend some of your own time (outside of work) getting ready for it.

If only you knew how bad this sounds . . . “I wanted to use that skill at my last place, but they wouldn’t let me.” I hear it all the time.  Never let someone else be in charge of your own training.

You also must be ready to let go of a skill you’ve invested years in to learn a new one. If no one is paying for it, there is no reason to keep it.

As a contractor, you are a not part of the company you are working for so people confide in you with things. I remember years ago hearing someone talk about one of his subordinates getting a raise. He called the raise “golden handcuffs”. The meaning was that this employee could not leave the company now because they would not be able to find somewhere that would pay the same. Handcuffs. I am not exaggerating.

Most contractors I know would never go back into permanent employment. Actually, that’s not true. I’ve met a few, but they were swayed by the money and usually spend as much as they make. They have the same panicked look on their face after their contract is not renewed as permanent employees do when they lose their job.

Good contractors are always preparing for being out of work. Unlike permanent employees, they know for certain it will happen. Most of the time, they have a date of when they will be out of work. The difference between them and permanent employees is that they don’t believe the job security myth.

Be prepared.

So, for the last 2 months my mind has been on this game.  It has been a long and difficult road, but it is finally done.  I’m very proud of Agent X.

It is an algebra game, so that may put people off from the beginning. So, I don’t mention “algebra” anywhere in the description.  It is not a game for little kids.

But ever since I was a kid myself, I liked to write stories.  I like spy and detective stories mostly.  And I really love the cliche pulp fiction that you find in so many paperbacks.  With Agent X, to a very small degree, I was able to write a story.  I love the comic book sections of the game more than anything else.

frame 2 text

 

I was able to write some cool dialogue and a script of how I wanted it to look.  I gave it to a very talented artist in Spain (his name is Francisco Maldonado and I am now a big fan) and he drew it better than I could have imagined.  My development team in India coded it well for both iPhone and Android.  The only problems I really had was with animated sprites– this went through 3 different designers and ended up costing me too much money (and a lot of lost sleep).  But in the end, I’m happy with the result.

It is live on Google Play and coming soon to iTunes.